In the spirit of full self-disclosure, I’ve known and loved several current and former staff members at Reason’s Treatment Center. But that’s not the only reason they are my first choice for adult intensive eating disorder treatment. Their philosophy aligns with my own: spiritually centered and focused on helping patients understand the deeper reasons for their symptom and change their relationship with food and their bodies.

They help each patient find their own meaning and path to recovery, integrating evidenced based treatments with experiential interventions based in depth psychology.  Let them tell you more:

Clinical psychologist William Sheldon wrote that “Deeper and more fundamental then sexuality, deeper than the craving for social power, deeper even that the desire for possessions, there is a more generalized and more universal craving in our human make-up. It is a craving for right direction – for orientation. ” For youth and young adults, that orientation is about developing a solid sense of who they are, forming an identity that enables them to use their lives to create a better world for everyone.

Showing now - check website for locations and times

As I viewed Darryl Robert’s latest documentary America The Beautiful 3: The sexualization of our youth on Sunday night identity development was on my mind. The first two America the Beautiful films explored America’s obsession with beauty and body size. All three documentaries draw attention to the exploitation of basic human insecurities by commercial industries. Sex, slim bodies and beauty sell products from hamburgers to pharmaceuticals. Picture vibrant, slim, well dressed,  youthful looking middle aged couples in commercials for Viagra!

We want to be beautiful or handsome. It’s a basic human longing. We want to “look good.” Even before mirrors and photography people engaged in beauty enhancing techniques based on cultural norms. While across cultures the definitions of what is attractive vary, it seems that throughout history how one looks factors into identity development.

As a “chubby” child and early adolescent, I escaped the beauty, weight and sex traps by opting out of the game. I knew the rules: fat is not attractive. So rather than even trying to play the game, I mostly sat on the sidelines and played support crew for my more beautiful friends who were on the field. That isn’t to say I wasn’t deeply ashamed of my appearance – at least my body size. But I learned that my identity needed to develop from something other than how I looked.

Fast forward 40 years and I am grateful for the psychological insulation my fat provided. I learned that looking good (whatever that means) isn’t as important as being a good, kind, genuine person. I learned that being sexy was actually quite risky as I watched my “more attractive” friends suffer the slings and arrows of adolescent love games. Not to mention a few that ended up choosing to abort unwanted babies when they’d “forgotten” to use protection or the one who ended up marrying the father, moving to Oregon and becoming a teenage wife and mother.

Before I get on too much of a downer here, let me come back to what initiated this blog. My friend Chris Kresbach, who works in the film industry and knows all too well how messed up our cultural norms about beauty, weight and sexuality are, posted this video on Facebook today. It’s a wonderful tongue-in-cheek take on women, beauty and body image. All of which, along with sexuality, are central to the essential human need to know who we are. But they aren’t everything. We must find ways to love and enjoy our physicality and work with the inevitable challenges and changes, but not allow appearance to define us.

Let’s be at the forefront of reminding ourselves and each other about what is most important in life. Perhaps sharing this video with your friends would be a fun and simple way to do that!

Offered with my prayer that you will find ways to love and enjoy your body,  just as you are today!

A humorous personal opinion piece from the NY Times reminds me why everybody needs to take personal responsibility for finding our own unique blueprint for optimal health.

Apparently, kale and other cruciferous vegetables must be avoided by people with hypothyroidism. These “super foods” that health gurus juice, powder, and encourage us to eat in mass quantities may actually be making some people sick. Wrap your head around that!

And those fruit and veggie juices you drink because of all the nutrients they deliver? When it comes to your oral health, you may as well drink cola and eat chocolate because to your teeth, sugar is sugar!

I’m not going to stop eating my cruciferous veggies and I don’t juice. I like my food as close to nature as God made it. No point in throwing out all that good fiber and having a mess to clean up. I prefer to just eat my fruits and veggies whole. But, that’s me. Some of my best friends swear by their juicing routines.

The next time you see someone touting their latest wonder remedy for whatever ails you, remember that you must be your own health expert. Know yourself. Know your body. And listen to your gut.

There are many well intentioned so-called “professionals” offering services, products and plans that aren’t regulated by any governing authority. The detox programs,  vitamins, supplements, and other regimens they offer may have value, but can also be ill-advised for some people.

Be a wise consumer. Know your own health profile. Listen to your body and trust yourself first of all!

Mark Bittman, one of our family’s favorite go-to chefs for healthy, easy to make recipes, posted a marvelous article in the NY Times last week about a meta-analysis of 72 studies which indicates there’s no evidence that saturated fats increase the risk of heart disease.

Bittman says you can go back to butter, if you haven’t already done so!

Butter for Breakfast

I never liked fake butters. I tried them when I was on my post-breast cancer anti-fat kick 22 years ago, but it didn’t take long for my body and taste buds to tell me to quit eating that nasty stuff.

The bottom-line, which many of us in the eating disorders world have been advocating all along: “eat real food” and “avoid anything that didn’t exist 100 years ago.”

So this morning for my second breakfast (tea and toast for pre-workout energy was first), I happily spread some butter on my bagel. I remember my mom saying that butter made your skin shine and your hair glow. She loved her butter. She didn’t eat processed foods and wasn’t big on sugar–the two current favored nutritional culprits that contribute heart disease. Apparently her decision to minimize the amount of sugar and processed foods in our family food supply was a smart one. In spite of our pleadings for Captain Crunch and Cocoa Puffs, the only cereal mom ever bought was corn flakes (the non-frosted ones). But she didn’t limit the amount of butter we spread on our toast!

Thanks Mom! Your inner wisdom about sugar and processed foods paid off. Thanks for listening to your instincts.

P.S. If you’re looking for a good way to add leafy greens to your diet, try spinach with your scrambled eggs. Spray a non-stick pan with olive oil, saute a little garlic, then throw in the spinach to cook until wilted. Put the spinach on your plate while you scramble the eggs in the same pan, and you’re good to go!

It’s been a long time since I ate a burger. I can’t remember the last time I ordered one. It’s just not something I eat, not something I crave.

Occasionally my body craves red meat, but I go for a grass-fed rib-eye or filet. “Hamburger” just doesn’t seem to be on my body’s database of what I need.

This week I’m playing roadie, chauffeur and traveling companion to my niece Caity as she returns for her senior recital as a jazz studies major at University of North Texas. When we arrived last night and wanted something to eat, she suggested “Whataburger.” She described it as the “In and Out” of Texas, “But the meat is better…after all, this is Texas.”

What? Me? A burger?

With that endorsement, I figured when in Texas, do as Texans do. I ordered a Whataburger Jr. and ate the whole thing–gluten filled bun and all!

Why did I eat a burger? Because I don’t want to be a food nazi!

After my breast cancer 21 years ago I became militant about food. I only ate vegetarian, low-fat, unprocessed organic foods because I feared the role animal products, pesticides, processing and other toxins played in the onset of my cancer.

For a few years, that was a necessary and important stance to take. But over time,  I began to listen to my physical needs and not my fears and found my way to a more balanced, loving and life-giving relationship with food.

For me, it’s about moderation, balance and choosing the best food. Today, that includes minimal red meat and limited gluten based foods. Yet, if there’s an Auntie Em’s dessert or a loaf of bread from Fiore Cafe around, I’ll say “Yes” and enjoy every bite of my gluten. If I’m going to eat the gluten that can sometimes activate rosacea on my cheeks, I’m going to make it worthwhile.

My remarkable niece Caity

My relationship with Caity is more important than what we eat. I enjoyed the burger well enough…for a burger. But even more important was how much I enjoyed being with Caity in her college town, going to the places she hung out and getting a taste of her last five years. Celebrating her success as a top-notch jazz saxophonist and experiencing the world where she’s honed her skills, met her boyfriend and matured into a remarkable young woman–that’s why I’m here.

When I was a food nazi (while hard to admit, at times even now) what I ate took precedence over enjoying the people, events and places around me. Thanks be to God for the love, grace and truth that have come to me over these past 21 years. I am free to eat burgers or not eat burgers. For this freedom, I am exceedingly grateful.

Blogger Sarah Kopplekam’s post “How to talk to your daughter about her body” went viral last month, landing her a spot on the Huffington Post where 146,249 people have “liked” it and 35,292 people have shared it.

What Sarah said isn’t revolutionary to those of us who work with eating disorders. Unfortunately, wise counsel like this often only reaches parents too late–after years of negative modeling and messages have already done their damage. And her wisdom applies to sons as well as daughters.

My favorite suggestion: Don’t dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your kids, or about your new diet.

A dear friend’s daughter recently moved to Los Angeles to attend graduate school. We hung out last week, laughed about how “crazy” her mom and I were when she was young and the impact our relationship with each other and our bodies had on her. “I never heard my mom say anything negative about her body. I asked her about it a few years ago. She raised her eyebrow like she does when she wants to make a point and told me that she was very intentional about that.”

Katie internalized a healthy sense of her body by watching us love and enjoy being in our woman bodies, enjoy good food, move because it felt good and not be afraid of getting dirty or talking about vaginas and penises! Needless to say, I was absolutely delighted by this conversation. I can’t imagine a better compliment than to hear that my example, even more than my words, impacted the life of another person.

The greatest gift a mom can give her child is her own positive relationship with her body.

The greatest gift one woman can give another woman is to fully embrace our own bodies and lovingly care for ourselves through the many changes and challenges of the female life cycle.

Passing it forward to Natalie

I met Kristen Fenton at the beginning of her career in social work. She participated in a self-care mentoring group I lead for ministry and mental health professionals.  I passed onto them the understanding and skills that have helped me find a new way of being in my body and life.  Years later, Kristen passes it forward through helping others heal from disordered eating and body image in her private practice in the Chicago area.

Last spring Kristen visited Los Angeles and I had the delight of meeting her engaging and beautiful daughter Natalie.  In writing to thank me for the time I spent sharing my life with her, she wrote “I am forever changed because of it. And my sweet Natalie now gets to live her life with a mama who is not enslaved to food or a poor body image.”

Thanks be to God!

Maybe you don’t “love and enjoy” your body. Begin with a small step: notice what is right with your body: your eyes that see, your ears that hear, your ability to walk. Practice noticing what is right with your body, not what is wrong.

And, if you need to talk about what is not right, the things you hate, wish you could change, please don’t do that with your daughter or son. Kids have more than enough negative and confusing messages about body image coming from media and peers. They don’t need you to add to that baggage.

Lots of resources are available. No matter what age your kids are, now is moment to begin to change your relationship with your body into a more loving, compassionate, and even celebratory one. It isn’t easy, but it is possible.

If you’d like some support, I’ve been there and done that and would love to share my experience, strength and hope with you.

If you told me 25 years ago that one day I’d be teaching yoga at the upcoming Big Bear Yoga Festival–I’d have said you were crazy!

Raised Catholic, I stopped attending mass in junior high school and became a “born again” Christian within the year. God’s timing was perfect. I desperately needed someone or something to “save” me from the disease and dysfunction growing within me and around me in my family system.

I spent the next 15 years involved in evangelical church and para-church organizations and attended evangelical undergrad and graduate school.  The personal relationship I developed with God and the people that surrounded me during those years really did “save” me. I made plenty of poor choices as it was–I can only imagine the trouble I might have gotten into otherwise. I’m grateful for the love and support of all those who came alongside me, loved me, and prayed for me. I also learned how to study the Bible and think critically about spiritual and theological matters. All of this laid a foundation for my faith in a God who so loved the world that he became flesh and blood, lived among us and revealed the way of love through the life of Christ Jesus.

And, I needed more than any of that provided.

I needed to embody my faith.

I needed to experience that love in my flesh and blood, in my female body. But the things about “flesh” and “body” I learned in church contexts didn’t take me deeper into my body.  Confusing messages reinforced an already shame-based body image: you are intricately and wonderfully made, but your desires, instincts, feelings and thoughts can’t be trusted; your sexuality is a gift from God, but don’t act too sexy or show too much of your body lest you cause your brother to lust. For Christian eating disorder patients I’ve worked with those same messages were life threatening–creating distorted views of “flesh/fat” and appetite that reinforced destructive body related thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

My bout with breast cancer in 1992 activated an interest in alternative approaches to health. I attended my first yoga class in 1993 with cautious interest. I prayed before I entered the room, asking God to give me discernment about participating in what my earlier training had told me was “of the devil”. Twenty years later I can’t imagine life without yoga. It’s the spiritual discipline God has used to heal my relationship with my body–to learn to listen to, respect, appreciate and be grateful for the glory of God’s image revealed in my body, in my flesh, in my blood. To experience Christ in me — the hope of glory dwelling in the sacred temple of my body.

I keep coming back because the practice takes me into my body in a transformative way, deepening my knowing of God’s love in the depths of my innermost self. My movements on the mat are prayers: my body speaks what my heart longs to express but words fall short of conveying.

Yoga for Every Body

I teach Christ-centered yoga because I want to share the transformative power of moving prayers with my communities of faith. While I mostly practice the physical postures (known as “asana” and one of the eight limbs of yoga), I have a deep respect and appreciation for other aspects as well.

That’s why I’ll be teaching a Christ-centered yoga workshop at the festival this month. I love sharing the immeasurable riches of God’s love in Christ through the yoga postures. I love guiding others into a deeper connection to the goodness and sacredness of their bodies. I love being at home in my body and inviting others to more fully inhabit their own homes.

I’d love to have you join me!

August 23-25, 2013

The recently released DSM-5 (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) adds the classification of “Binge Eating Disorder” to it’s compendium of mental health diseases, justifying it as a medical condition requiring treatment and covered through insurance. Yesterday the American Medical Association voted to designate  obesity as a disease, thereby labeling 78 million American adults and 12 million children with a medical condition requiring treatment.

These decisions are important and necessary as they increase treatment options and availability for patients. Prior to inclusion in the DSM-5, without a specific classification and criteria, insurance companies often resisted covering costs for treatment of binge eating. Along with the impact on treatment, our hope is that these changes will also reduce stigmatization,  further research, and increase awareness among healthcare providers.

Sadly, these decisions also reflect the consequences of living in an eating disordered culture. Highly accessible, inexpensive, nutritionally deficient, calorie dense foods have become standard fare in our American cuisine.  A recent Los Angeles Times article on founder of The Cheesecake Factory noted that one of their pasta dishes contains more than 3,000 calories – enough energy in one meal to fuel many of us for a day and a half. Additionally, cultural normalization of overeating, treating food as a reward and entertainment (entire television networks devoted to food), distorted portion sizes, and array of other culturally accepted attitudes and behaviors, all factor heavily in both binge eating and obesity.

Data on processed food production and pricing set alongside statistics for statistics on obesity indicate a correlation between increased availability of processed foods and increased obesity over the past thirty years. Correlation may not equal causation, but it’s certainly connected.

Why do we continue to focus on the problems resulting from an eating disordered culture while not addressing the systemic issues that may initiate and definitely contribute to both of these conditions?

Why does the medical community continue to use an inaccurate measure (body mass index) as it’s criteria for health?

Why doesn’t the government step in to address the huge role that the food industry plays in these problems?

When it comes to fixing the troubled relationships that people have with food and their bodies, we’ve put too much focus on the individual  and not enough effort into addressing the dysfunctions of systems that feed their diseases. My training as a systems thinker tells me that when one part of the family is symptomatic, we need to treat the whole family for sustainable change to occur. Pinning the problem on those suffering from the effects of a broken system (the “identified patient” in family systems terms) is not only ineffective, but leaves individuals bearing personal responsibility for problems much bigger than any one person.

Demi at Boston Marathon

The following personal story was written by my beautiful friend Demi Clark who crossed the finish line for the Boston Marathon seconds after the first bomb exploded. I met Demi in my Health Coach training at Duke Integrative Medicine last fall. From our first encounter, I loved Demi’s strong voice, engaged, passionate way of being in her life. When she shared that she’d had a long history with an eating disorder, I wasn’t surprised.

Demi embodies the powerful potential that I see in my eating disorder clients. Many have similar big, bright and radiant spirits. Uniquely blessed with an expansive consciousness and exceptional capacities for empathy,  intuition, creativity, sensory awareness and intelligence, the eating disordered thoughts, feelings and behaviors temporarily help them contain and regulate the vast spiritual consciousness that their families, schools, and faith communities haven’t even a clue exists.  And often leaves those same loved ones feeling powerless to support these girls in their healthy development.

Demi’s life testifies to the powerful lives of loving service that are possible when we listen to our hearts, allow ourselves to be as big and bright as we are, and follow our dreams. Here’s her story:

It’s Sunday night. I just tucked my kids into bed, almost identically to the way I have every night of their short first- and third-grade lives. Kisses, plus a hug, and an “I love you.” The only addition — which has been part of the routine since Monday, April 15 — “Do you all feel safe tonight? Mommy and Daddy are here if you need us.”

My husband and I not only consider ourselves lucky to ask that question every night, we are downright grateful and blessed to do so. The parents of precious 8-year-old Martin Richard can’t do that anymore. The parents of Krystle Campbell and Lü Lingzi can no longer call their children and ask, “Do you feel safe tonight?” And countless families are still in the hospital, supporting loved who are in critical condition, or without limbs, who face long, long roads ahead. That’s thanks to two terrorists, who have changed the world as all of us know it.

I happened to be “that girl with the pigtails” who was 10 feet from the finish line of the Boston Marathon as the first bomb exploded and we found ourselves in a war. I say “war,” because I’m also a health coach. I have clients who are soldiers currently downrange in Afghanistan; they called me later, saying we all earned our “combat stress” badge that day. The sights, sounds, smells, and horror are all still very fresh in my memory. Yet I NEVER want to forget. If we forget, we can’t change the future for the better.

I also coach Girls on the Run, and nothing is more rewarding than seeing those 9- to 11-year-olds happy, healthy, active. Their actions and their attitudes inspire others to get off their iPads and move. They help make the world a happier, healthier place.

Happy, healthy people don’t place handmade bombs next to 8-year-old children, knowing the immense destruction that will follow. Happy, healthy people do things like participate in the Boston Marathon; happy, healthy people have raised $127.9 million since the Boston Marathon Charity Program started in 1989.

So, today is not the day to scream at the guy who cuts you off in traffic. It’s not the day to eat a can of frosting because you can start eating healthy tomorrow. (I had an eating disorder for two decades — trust me, it won’t make you feel better.) It’s not the day to ignore your mom. Or your children. It’s not the day to work late — for the 100th day in a row.

It IS the day to pay it forward. Take your dog for an extra-long walk. Buy your neighbor a Starbucks. Lace up your shoes for the first (or one-thousand and fifty-first) time. Our lives have a true purpose. Honor yours by being good to yourself, taking care of your body, and being HAPPY and HEALTHY. Runners have a “runner’s high” for a reason — those endorphins are scientifically proven to make us happier. Runners truly love what they do. I haven’t met too many angry ones. Runners wanting to be faster? Yes. Angry? No.

In coaching, we have a saying: “So what? Now what?” I’ve asked myself that a million times in the past week. What are the odds of me being right there at that horrific moment (with my family right there in the finish-line bleachers), with 26,999 other runners ahead of or behind me? Why was I spared, without so much as a scratch on my body? I will never know the answer. But what I do know is that I’m still here — and now, I feel this overwhelming need to inspire people.

Demi's Girls Maize & Willa at Finish Line

My goal then, from here on out, is to motivate as many people as possible to get off the couch. I want to urge everyone to draw up a vision board, to decide on a goal, then to make it happen. I have a quote from Homer on my home-office desk that says, “Go forth confidently in the direction of your dreams!” It has served as my internal compass for  years. Find yours. Faith over fear, life worth not net worth — whatever your quote, pick something that puts the fire in your belly to be better, and go do it. Let’s get each other off the couch. It’s OUR time to win.

You can hear more of her story at CBS News and The New York Times.

A number years ago I discovered that gluten exacerbates rosacea on my face. When I eliminated gluten from my diet, my skin cleared up. A few days after indulging in some yummy bread, pasta or dessert, the red ruddiness would reappear. So, for the most part I’ve avoided gluten since then.

I’ve also gone through periods of time when I avoided dairy products, limited meat or chicken, experimented with eating vegan. It’s been helpful to learn how different foods affect me. But mostly I focus on eating whole foods, as  close to nature as God created them, listening to my body as my needs change from day to day, season to season. Winter finds me eating heavier foods, more animal products, but come spring and summer I lighten up and eat more fruits and veggies. My focus isn’t on eliminating anything, but eating well to provide my body the energy and nutrients I need to feel strong, vital, able to live a life I love and enjoy.

Recently I hear a lot of talk about people eliminating things from their diets. This is a great way to become aware of the impact of different foods, but it can be a slippery slope for people with any history of disordered eating–be it a clinical eating disorder or the more standard American syndrome of chronic dieting with frequent weight fluctuations.

Eliminating foods can activate cravings for the banned food and lead to excessive eating  of “allowed” foods.

Deprivation often leads to compensatory eating.

For people prone to disordered patterns of eating, adding in nutritious foods before you decide to eliminate others is a wise idea. And, if you have a history of a clinical eating disorder, it’s best to make any significant changes to diet in consultation with a eating disorder specialist.

My husband/research assistant sent me a link to a Men’s Health blog that offers a list of “51 Foods You SHOULD Be Eating.” What struck me as I reviewed the list, is that someone is probably allergic or has sensitivities to everything on it. One person’s health food is another’s danger food.

The essential skill for finding the right diet is to listen to your body and become your own expert on how foods effect you.

What combination of foods throughout the day support your physical energy, mental motivation and clarity, and emotional stability?

It won’t be found in any book or website, because the wisdom lives inside of you.

Listen to your body.