A dislocated shoulder on New Year’s Eve 2011 and arthroscopic surgery to repair all four of my rotator cuff muscles in early February have provided ample opportunities to practice what I preach about loving and enjoying my body, just as I am!  I was practicing a yoga pose I’ve done many times, being spotted by a trusted teacher, when my shoulder gave out.  Instead of dropping back gracefully from handstand into a backbend, I collapsed onto the yoga studio floor. This was not how I planned to end the year!

Eight hole arthroscopic shoulder surgery - Ouch

Yoga is supposed to be good for me, right? Yes.  But at midlife, poses that were safe for me when I began a serious yoga practice fifteen years ago, might not be most advantageous now.  The risk of injury may outweigh the benefits.  Coincidentally, New York Times journalist William Broad’s The Science of Yoga: The Risks and the Rewards came out within weeks of my accident.  Some people dismissed his work as sensational. But my experience with yoga and life tells me otherwise.

Embodied life is inherently risky.  Challenges and changes to our physical lives are expected: natural aging and developmental processes, illnesses, accidents, injuries.  It is always something: either you’re excitedly watching your breasts emerge at adolescence or bemoaning how large and unmanageable they are; either you’re trying to lose weight after pregnancy or gain weight during chemotherapy; either you’re trying to eat more soy because some expert said it is good for you or trying to avoid it because another expert said it’s going to give you cancer.  You never know what tomorrow might bring. But you don’t stop living just because at times the risks seem to outweigh the benefits.

you never know what tomorrow may bring

No one in their right mind signs up for a class, takes a trip or goes on an adventure hoping to have an accident, catch a disease, or face danger. Yet trauma, loss, injury, trouble are unplanned realities of being alive, of being in a relatively healthy body. Dead people don’t have the privilege of injuring their rotator cuffs doing yoga!  That may sound morbid, but as a twenty year cancer survivor, it helps me keep things in perspective when I’m feeling sorry for myself.

Challenges to my physical health harden me or soften me, distance me from my body or deepen my connection. I didn’t plan to spend the first half of 2012 this way.  But each day, I choose compassion and curiosity instead of resentment and blame. I choose gratitude for the blessings that far outweigh the burdens of my recovery. I choose to be present, vulnerable, and open to what each day, each moment brings on the path of healing. I choose to receive the fullness of life that comes in ways I don’t ask for and wouldn’t expect. I choose life in my body, with my shoulder, just as I am.

My injury took me down a road I didn’t know I needed to travel in order to fulfill my commitment to teaching and mentoring others in more loving ways of being in our bodies. I wrote Dislocation: Reflections on Elliot’s Journey of the Magi, a few weeks after my injury. It offers a glimpse into what God is teaching me on this unplanned detour.  I pray that the purifying beams of love”** will open the eyes of your inner being to discover the treasures hidden in the detours of your journey as well.

A sincere spiritual seeker once asked a renowned rabbi, “What is the most important prayer in the Jewish tradition?” Expecting the rabbi to state the Shema (Deuteronomy 6.9 – “the Lord our God is one” – the centerpiece of morning and evening prayers), he surprised her by replying, “It is much like the kyrie of the Christian tradition: Lord, have mercy.”

“The most important prayer,” said the rabbi with a sparkle in his eyes, “is HELP!”

My six weeks of recovery from rotator cuff surgery have provided many opportunities to ask for help. I’m actually starting to like it. Last week I asked the acupuncturist who works down the hall if he had an umbrella I could borrow for a few minutes. He seemed delighted to run down to his car to check. When he came back empty handed, he apologized.  He was disappointed that he couldn’t help me!  How about that?!?

The instinct to help is deeply wired into our human nature.  Long before researchers began to study the psychological and evolutionary roots of compassion, Jesus was teaching about it.   In fact, all the great religions teach some form of the golden rule:  love your neighbor as yourself.  We provide our neighbors an opportunity to fulfill an essential part of their humanity when we ask for help. And we deprive them of that opportunity when we refuse to ask for help!

Help is available – both divine and human. Of course, we don’t always get the hoped for outcome. A wisdom teaching regarding prayer says there are three answers to our prayers:

1.) yes

2.) no

3.) I’ve got something better in mind!

When the answer is no, I choose to believe that number three is on the horizon.  In recent days I’m discovering that the outcome of my asking isn’t as important as the bridges of love — of our shared need to both love and be loved — built through asking. My neighbor didn’t give me an umbrella.  He gave me the gift of concern and care, the gift of love.

What kind of help do you need today? Have you risked asking God or your neighbor for help?

If the answer isn’t the one you hope for, trust that something better is on the horizon.  And open your heart to whatever bridge of love wants to meet you in your place of need.

Deuteronomy 4.9 – “But take care and watch yourselves closely, so as neither to forget the things that your eyes have seen nor to let them slip from your mind all the days of your life…”

The Lenten selection for today warns me about what neuropsychologist Rick Hanson calls the teflon-velcro brain.  The human brain is wired to forget the good and cling to the bad. He attributes the tendency to forget blessings and cling to adversity to the historical development of our survival brain.  In previous times, before locked doors, police, and external protections, our ancestors needed to stay “on alert” for danger, ready to defend themselves against human or animal threats.  Our neural pathways became primed to pay attention to danger as a way to survive.  If our ancestors didn’t know where the bears lived or how to listen for signals of intruders in the night, none of us would be here today.  On the other hand, there was no survival benefit for remembering the happy places or loving expressions from others. As the passage points out, our human tendency is to let beauty, goodness and truth, be it from God or human sources, “slip from our minds.

Sprouting My New Midlife Hairdo

I celebrated my 50th birthday this past weekend.  Three days, three gatherings of loved ones, three opportunities to bask in the goodness of my life.  How deeply I am loved.  How rich I am.

The list of all the good in my life could go on for pages.  One of my favorite hymns says that if all the oceans of the world were filled with ink, there wouldn’t be enough to tell the magnitude of God’s love.  Coming off of my weekend of birthday bliss, I can feel the vastness of God’s love pulsating through my whole being. I am basking in the ocean of love and don’t want to ever leave this happy place.

But, like all the human family, Israelites as well as my own Irish ancestors, I am prone to forget the good.  Good – God, love, care, right relatedness, compassion. My velcro brain carries a huge collection of negative emotions and memories that set me up to travel on what neuropsychologist Dan Siegel calls “the low road”.  This is where I went yesterday as I sat eating my breakfast, and saw how filthy the kitchen floor was.  My “danger” impulses activated, my mind flipped to my husband’s busy weekend in the kitchen cooking for my parties. Rather than remember the remarkable gift of his fours days of self-sacrifice on my behalf, my mind focused on how he failed to sweep up after his last round of cooking. Teflon-Velcro brain is working very well thank you!

The ancient wisdom of God’s instruction to the Israelites is for all people, for all times.  I must be careful and watch myself closely, lest I allow my survival brain to run, and ultimately ruin, my life.  I will follow the perennial wisdom of Israel that Jesus modeled when, in facing five thousand hungry people, the first thing he did was to look up to heaven (Matthew 14.19).  In the face of adversity or overwhelming circumstances, the God whose love would overflow all the oceans of earth invites us to a new way of beholding our lives. Rather than go with the default setting of letting the blessings slip from our minds, we remember God — the miracles, the divine interventions,the loving service of our spouses, the beauty, the goodness, the truth.

After Jesus looked up to heaven, he “blessed and broke the loaves.” Look to heaven, then bless, give thanks.  Before any other action or reaction, I must retrain my brain to first look to God and give thanks.

Rwandian Prayer Bowl - With Gratitude to the artist: Epiphanie

I received a new prayer bowl for my birthday, made by a Rwandan woman named Epiphanie. Her life testifies to the power of God’s love to bring good out of adversity.  With each need I place in my bowl, I will also offer an expression of thanksgiving.  I will find a way to believe, to trust, the infinite love of God is big enough, strong enough, vast enough to work good in all the circumstances of life.

As my great uncles Solanus Casey would say, “Thanks be to God ahead of time for the blessings of this day.”

May you and I look to heaven and give thanks today, come what may.

A prayer from this beautiful TED Talk will be in my heart this year: “May everyone I meet be blessed by my presence. May my gratitude overflow into blessing all those around me.”

Gratitude and Presence Christmas 2012 with Women of Passion

I am so easily distracted by the many things inviting, calling, demanding my attention.  Inner impulses, ideas, images, thoughts, feelings, possibilities, desires rise up like sparkling jewels promising rich satisfaction if I will but follow their lead.  Emails and text messages, my cute dogs wanting me to play with them or my dear husband requesting my attention, a friend seeking support or a brother calling to chat, unfinished paperwork, a class to prepare, partially read books or my Yoga Journal magazine.  These and so many other good gifts of life pull me in many directions, distracting me from staying fully present in the moment.

My Great Uncle Solanus Casey said that human greatness lies in being faithful to the present moment. He said that if we were to cooperate with the grace being poured out at all times, we’d go from being great sinners one day to being great saints the next.

I am praying that with my cooperation and God’s grace, this may be a year of greater presence and gratitude as I practice and develop my energy regulation skills and teach them to others.

Power is made perfect in weakness.  I will all the more gladly boast of my struggle with dis-tractability that God’s power alone can transform into presence and gratitude.

Thanks be to God ahead of time for a year of presence and gratitude.

It’s that time of the year when both the positive and sometimes painful stresses of the season begin to build.  Temptations to neglect body and soul come in many forms: overbooking social events, not drinking enough water, and mindless eating of holiday goodies are three I anticipate will greet me again this year.

My daily centering prayer time and regular yoga practice are two primary ways I maintain my alignment with myself and stay rooted in God’s love. They are essential parts of maintaining my physical, psychological and spiritual health. When my spiritual tank is empty from not praying, and I’m disconnected from my body because I’ve not been practicing yoga, I’m more likely to ignore the signals that tell me to slow down, drink water, and stay away from the sugary treats that show up everywhere this time of year.

My former pastor Bob Whitaker used to tell us that people got sick at the holidays from eating too much sugar.  I snickered then, but wondered if there wasn’t some truth in his folk wisdom.  Now I learn, in my wise adult life, that in fact sugar does deplete my immune system and make me more prone to infection. My intention is to enjoy a little bit of the things I especially love — like my own Famous Irish Toffee and the Cobb Family’s homemade fudge — but to keep a kind and loving bridle on the part of me that wants to eat the whole batch before it’s even cooled down!

As you give thanks this week and start filling your calendar with holiday commitments, staying connected to the One from whom all good things come will be good for both your body and your soul.

What helps you stay connected to yourself and what holds you together when life gets stressful? Imagine how different the next six weeks would be if you dedicated even five minutes a day to writing a gratitude list, praying a psalm of thanksgiving, meditating on God’s love or some other soulful practice.

Yoga is an excellent way to nurture both your body and soul.

I teach Christ-centered yoga classes weekly at Glendale Presbyterian Church. You are welcome to “drop in” to my Wednesday 6:15 p.m. class. We’ll be meeting on 11/23, 11/30, 12/7, 12/21.  If you need directions or details, please contact me.

Also, my new favorite yoga resource is Yogaglo -  an online yoga studio you can access from the convenience of your own home.  I have been a member for several months and love it!  It’s an excellent source for everything from beginners and five-minute routines to two-hour advanced level backbend and inversion practices.  There’s something for everyone.  Check it out and get a free two-week trial membership.

What will you do to stay connected to yourself and the One from whom all good things come during this season of celebration?   Your good health is worth at least five minutes a day, isn’t it?

I took a bike ride today around the Rose Bowl in Pasadena – a short 10 minute drive from my home.

On my last lap I met Saul, a maintenance worker at nearby Huntington Hospital.  He was plugging along at a steady 12 miles per hour up a slight incline as I pulled up alongside.  I nodded and said “Hi” as I began to pass him.

He gave me a huge grin, pulled his earphone out, and greeted me, “Great day for a ride, eh? Good to see you out here.”  His energy was magnetic. Probably in his late 50’s or 60’s, his eyes were hidden behind cycling glasses, but an endearing smile gleamed out from the life lines etched into his brown face.

I decided to drop my agenda for pushing myself through my last lap and slowed down to talk.  “Beautiful day, but my legs are killing me,” I told him, “I’m in the worst cycling shape of my life.”

He laughed and said, “Keep at it.  It gets better the more you do it.” And then he told me his story.

Make the Most of What You’ve Got

A year ago he was pre-diabetic and his blood pressure was high.  He was “tired of being old and fat” and decided to return to something he loved as a kid — riding his bike.  He works from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. then comes to the Rose Bowl to put in his miles.  He loves it.  And he has lost 45 pounds and his health is great!

“The best part is how good I feel after I ride. I love feeling healthy. It’s not just good for my body, it clears my mind, gives me peace…just riding my bike!  You know what I’m doing, I’m just living like I’m dying, that’s it! I make the most of each day, ’cause that’s all I got. You never know how much life you’ve got left.  Gotta make the most of what you’ve got.”

Making the Most of Jazz at the Hollywood Bowl with My Beloved Dave and "Little" Ruth

Living Like I’m Dying

I’ve had a blessed nineteen years of life since my diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer in 1992.  In the early years of life post-breast cancer, I did what Saul is doing — made the most of each day, did things that brought me joy, spent time with people I loved and rode my bike a lot!

In those days of “living like I’m dying,” people and pursuing my passions were more important than productivity.

In recent years my agendas for productivity battle for space on my calendar.  Saul’s interruption of my agenda to push myself on this ride was a reminder that while productivity can be a very good thing; it can also completely screw up my priorities.

People are more important than products.  Loving and enjoying my productivity but being unattached to outcomes is essential. When the drive to produce turns me into Bitchy Cissy or Pissy Cissy, it’s time to stop and get my priorities straight.

Thanks be to God for Wise Men dressed in spandex!

I hope you are making time and space in your life for the people and passions that energize and give you joy this Fall.

“If you want something done, ask a busy person.”

The equation of busyness with success behind this and other cliches normalizes working too hard, doing too much and going too fast.  Between social kudos for accomplishments and my tendency for compulsive activity, my energy regulation skills are constantly being tested. Staying well fueled in body, mind and spirit is challenging in a culture that invites us to overwork, overplay, overspend, overeat…over do just about everything.

Energy Regulation

Last week a sinus infection got my attention, inviting me to reflect on how my lifestyle might be contributing to my illness.

- How well am I regulating my energy?
- Am I burning the candle at both ends?
- Am I doing too much?
- What am I doing and how am I doing it that might be burning me out?

I’m not overbooked with appointments or workshops and retreats as in the past.  I don’t have commitments scheduled back to back all day and into the evening.  Hooray! My calendar tells me that I’m doing a great job regulating my energy.

While an assessment of my energy output looks efficient on paper, I had to look more closely at where I was losing steam. In addition to a handful of regularly scheduled appointments and teaching commitments, I spend my work week prepping classes, working on publications, consulting with colleagues, answering emails and phone calls, taking care of my dogs and garden, cooking meals, meeting with people for both social and business meals, working out, practicing yoga and a host of other things.  During my work days I rarely “take a break.” All systems are “go” from early morning until evening.

It isn’t what I’m doing that’s zapping my energy. I’m proud of the changes I’ve made to create a less packed schedule.  But the way I do it that needs some loving attention.

Going Too Fast

There’s a rushing, spinning, going too fast energy that takes a hold of me when I’m not paying attention. Lost in the grip of hurriedness, I don’t use my energy efficiently.  I am more prone to accidents and mishaps in this mode. And, too many days of it often precedes the onset of an illness.

When you’ve lived your whole life in the fast lane, it’s tough to pull over to the right and go with the flow.  It’s even harder to pull into the slow lane and just take it easy.

A More Loving Pace and Place

After a lifetime of rushing to the future and missing the present moment, I’m learning to take the slow lane.   At this pace I am more able to sense the loving presence of God and as a result am a more loving presence in my world.  It is also the place where I’m most apt to hear the wisdom of God.

God moves with what spiritual writer Evelyn Underhill called the leisure of eternity.  No hurry.  No rush.  No urgency.

God’s got all the time in the world.  Why do I live as if I don’t?

The poet Kabir wrote “if a mirror ever makes you sad, you should know that it does not know you.” Wise words from a male Indian poet who lived over 500 years ago.

Remember what Aibilene says to Mae Moberly in “The Help” – Don’t ever forget it:  You is kind.  You is smart.  You is important.

If the mirror tells you anything else, throw it out.  It ain’t worth it’s weight in gold.  (And gold is at an all time high right now).

My eight year old red Doberman fur-child Harvest’s Thanksgiving Grace (her official registration name) passed away on Sunday after a spirited nine months of living with oral cancer.

Grace - May 2011

My husband put it well in his Facebook obituary:  “Grace truly lived up to her name, not only in her style but even more in her unabashed and infectious zest for life. You couldn’t overlook Grace. Her presence lit up her surroundings and she always drew attention — whether frolicking at the beach dog park or strutting her stuff at a dog show in her younger days. She lived (and loved) life to its fullest and blessed us by her example RIP, girl.”

In honor of her passing, I’m re-posting an entry from my first blog on Yahoo Shine written in 2008.  It’s just one of many “graces” God gave me through our beloved Gracie Girl.

Training Grace

Smart, strong and sassy, her champion genes make her stunningly beautiful and intensely self-possessed.

Walking Grace is not a graceful experience!  I often feel more like I’m the one being taken for a ride rather than the one leading the way — especially if we’ve missed a few days of outings.  Her energy and enthusiasm for being on the road again is uncontainable.

It isn’t that Grace isn’t well trained.  She comes when called (most of the time), “sits” on command and “stays” as directed–except when she jumps up and dances around awaiting the next opportunity to please me.

The problem isn’t that Grace is insubordinate or rebellious.  Far from it.  She just obeys her own interpretations of the instructions.

One morning I let Grace run free in the hillside amphitheater at the local college. Skye, our blue Doberman, followed close behind.  After a few minutes I called Grace to “come” — where Grace leads, Skye will follow.  Grace turned on a dime, circling back toward me.  Within seconds she flew past with Skye on her heals and ran up the hillside at far end of the arena.  After much sniffing and ignoring my commands to “come”,  she pranced back, flopped at my feet, tongue flapping like a wet flag in a wind storm and stared up at me in delight.

I’m like that with God.  I obey…on my own terms. Grace did what I asked–she came when called.  But she had her own idea as to the follow thru.

I do that too.  I follow the initial directive, then take off in my own version of Doberman self-possession.

As I “train” Grace, I am also being trained. We  are learning together how to contain and direct her beautiful energy in productive ways. At the same time, God is training me to manage and regulate my own beautiful energy in more life-enhancing ways.

In my health coaching program I teach the things I need to learn–like energy regulation. Effective energy regulation makes for better walks and healthier lives. God is teaching me.  I am teaching Grace.  Grace is teaching me.  I teach my members.  My members teach me.  God teaches all of us.

Training Grace is both what I do each time I work with my dog and what brings me back to God each time I get too full of myself and run off in my own direction.  Grace softens the hard blows of training both dogs like Grace and women like me.

Grace is central to the programs and workshops I offer.  The rules and regulations offered by traditional diets and fitness centers are too harsh for many of us.  We need the structure, support and information they offer but in a softer, gentler version.

An extensive study by Harvard University researchers reveals that french fries are the food most significantly associated with weight gain. 

Rounding out the list of edibles prone to pack on the extra pounds are potato chips, sugar-sweetened drinks, red meats and processed meats, other forms of potatoes, sweets and desserts, refined grains, other fried foods, 100-percent fruit juice and butter.

An article in the NY Times quotes one of the lead researchers as saying “There are good foods and bad foods, and the advice should be to eat the good foods more and the bad foods less.”

Labeling foods good and bad may work for folks without troubled relationships with food, but for the rest of us it tends to suck the enjoyment out of what is meant to be a pleasurable and satisfying part of our daily life.

I agree that we need to become more aware of what we eat and how it impacts our bodies.  For the most part, the recent addition of nutritional content on the menus of major food chains has been a helpful wake up call to many of those I work with.  But  “good” and “bad” food lists don’t work in the long run.  They only extend the cycle of false hope, failure, and self-condemnation deeply engrained in the experience  of long-term dieters.

A more empowering model is to  “pay attention” to how specific foods effect the way you feel in your body.

I know when I eat a significant amount of high sugar or fat foods, especially alone or in combination with  other very dense foods, my digestive tract says “Too much.”  My body just doesn’t process all those heavy foods well.

If you’ve tried and failed at the “good/bad” food game, consider listening to your body.  Here are a few prompts to help you get started:

• Notice how you feel after grabbing only a cup of coffee for breakfast?
• How’s you energy after eating a big dish of pasta with cream sauce compared to a smaller portion balanced with some steamed vegetables or a salad?
• What do you notice when you come home from work and flop on the couch to watch television the rest of the evening?
• What do you notice after taking a brisk 15 minute walk instead of flopping on the sofa after work?
• How do you feel when you overeat, over drink, or under sleep?

Studies like this are great for confirming what our bodies already know.  But, our greatest problem isn’t that we’re stupid or lacking information about what is “good” and “bad” for us. Our greatest problem is that we’ve stopped listening to the inherent wisdom of our bodies.